User Profile

I cannot give you much information about myself, as this is a secret journal. I cannot risk those I care about finding this, after all the help and support they have given me over the years it would break their hearts to know I'm back to square one.




I am looking for people who are suffering from the same things as I am, someone who knows what I'm thinking and feeling. Somebody who can offer support and swap info with me.



I adore music and artwork, beautiful figures ice-skating in the snow, with pale, frosted limbs. Haunting melodies that make the hair on the back of my neck stand up, and mystical creatures from Avalon.



It started when I was 12, and 'ended' when I was 17, but hospitalisation only
dealt with the fact that I could barely stand up anymore, let alone walk
anywhere. The background, the memories, the reasons were forgotten. My only
'problem' was the state my body was in, after years of abuse. But nothing was
done to resolve the problem, to make my mind a happier place to be... so I
stayed low for a while, still restricting, still counting. I moved out of home and found my own place to live, to be in control of a situation that was
chaotic. I fell in love, regained my ability to feel.. but inside I missed her, the one thing that managed to keep me somewhat sane over a period of 5 years, so when I was 19 I relapsed entirely, my world came to halt.. nothing else mattered but destroying myself from the inside out, I convinced myself I'd fallen out of love, left my boyfriend and started the whole cycle again. Now, here I am, 22.. 80lbs, slowly coming to halt. My mind is all over the ceiling, slowly seeping through the gaps in the walls, spread out on the floor... my bones keep me company when there's nothing else to do. I count them when I can't sleep. It reminds me to keep going, what I'm still living for. I have alot left to do in my lifetime, and my ever fluctuating weight reminds me of this fact.</font></b>

Currently 80lbs and so much
progress to make.. I don't want to leave any trace I was ever here.

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darling_itsover@livejournal.com

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